I Wish

She said, Don't push yourself, you'll give yourself a heart attack. And, without thinking, I just said I wish I could be put out of this misery. I've never done that before. It's sort of jarring in all respects, when you don't think about thinking about dying, and just do. So that afternoon I laid out flat on the last cool concrete step of my mother's backyard. My stiffly straight self gazing glaze-eyed at the sultry maroon leaves of the once flowering pear trees. They were swaying in the warm fall breeze, almost as if dancing shyly to the rhythm of the earth. And I thought how lovely it was that the surroundings were able to bring out the blueness of the sky. I like it when things turn out like that, just--naturally.