1.
I had on a robe;
it was early.
You were obviously
hung over
and I went downstairs
as quietly
as I could
to clean the mess
of uneaten buffalo wings
and French bread with spinach dip
that you, myself, and the
rest of our friends had made
the night before—
and I put on some coffee.
When it was done
I came back upstairs
to gently nudge you,
Wake up.
I bent down
to kiss you lightly and
tell you coffee was made;
you asked,
“Did you make the coffee?”
I nodded and nuzzled
“Mmmhmm,”
“Then no I don’t want any.”
I smiled.
I knew you would say that.
I love that about you—
loved that about you.
I always burn the coffee.
2.
We stayed in bed
for hours,
barely touching,
I’m not positive after
a year-and-a-half
but I don’t think you
are a touchy
sort of person.
I am.
But I am not one
to push it—
like a Labrador
I searched for some
sort of acceptance
in your eyes
some sort of nod—
fucking blink
of a green light.
I only
ever let my knee
near your knee.
Did you notice?
Maybe—considering
you could always tell
if I wore lotion, or perfume
or the combination of
the two on any given day.
There was this moment
after we had showered
separately
when I was curling my hair
and doing my makeup,
bundled in a towel
and you barged in
with a single knock
asking to
use my hair dryer—
I still laugh when I think
of that.
You caught me,
at my most natural,
before I could become
a finished
product
and I didn’t mind.
I always
usually mind.
3.
You got so
fucked up
the night before.
All I wanted
to do
was make you
feel better.
So I touched
my lips
to yours
and quickly
made my
way to the
nearest store—
bought you Gatorade
and ibuprofen
with the money
that was left in
your wallet downstairs.
I will always
want
to make you
feel better.
That night
you mentioned in bed
(and I don’t know
how it was brought
up because we had
begun drinking again
hours previously)
that your wife had
got you Gatorade
and aspirin
for your hangover.
Gratitude,
or an annoyance
for the intimacy
I forced upon you
by playing
nurse--
I don’t know.
4.
We were
chatting with friends
about their long-standing
engagement
and you offered your vineyard
to them if they so desired.
I’m so sorry,
but I pictured us
briefly
in the fall
when the leaves
were just rusting
after harvest
and me in the dress
I saw in a magazine
three years ago
that I still think
I’d wear
if I had the
opportunity.
5.
We sat
at one of
our favorite
bars together
my knee on yours
and while you were
busy schmoozing
two men,
you whispered
in my ear
you wanted
to go home
with just me
to be with
just me.
I don’t
remember
ever
hearing you say
that before.
I don’t remember
ever liking a man
wanting me
to leave
the so-called
“party” early.
I didn’t mind.
In fact I
can still
recall the feeling—
the quickening
pace of my heart
beating
Yes lets
go home.
I want
only
your
attention
on me.
6.
Why don’t
you—
didn’t you—
ever
kiss me
in the
daylight?
7.
I find it most
endearing
when you
order something
and I take a sip
or a taste—
and don’t even
ask.
If I’m lucky
underneath the table
my knee almost
touches yours
and I can
feel
your heat
so near to my
thigh
while we pretend
there is nothing
brewing
to the outsiders.
8.
When I
dropped you off
I asked if you
liked the band
on the radio
because I loved
them.
“No, not at all,” you said.
I looked
straight ahead and smiled
because from
the corner of my eye
I saw you smile.
No comments:
Post a Comment